...because i bit my tongue

it seems like every time i decide that it is okay to say something negative or unkind about a person, i am always quickly reminded as to why i shouldn't- and why its not.  i'd like to think that i generally avoid talking negatively about people behind their back and do my best to refrain from speaking in conversations that i know would hurt someone else's feelings.  but i am not perfect, and sometimes i fail.  sometimes the words slip (or are thrown) out of frustration, anger, or annoyance, and sometimes i realize what i am saying in the middle of me saying it.  and sometimes i feel like i get to say what i want because i am mad.  i guess we can all say what we want, whenever we want, but i would like to be the kind of person that only says what they mean, and the kind of person that doesn't contribute toward the negative and unkindness that already exists in the world.i would like to be the kind of person who is nice.  and not nice because they should be, but because that is who they are.today was meaningful because i decided to bite my tongue.but it was only meaningful because i didn't the day before.  after venting, complaining, and rambling about a person i was feeling frustrated by, i noticed that i actually didn't feel any better.  later that night i started feeling nervous and increasingly guilty.  i also became paranoid about the possibilty of the person having over-heard the conversation.  to me, all of these negative emotions meant that i was wrong.  if i was feeling worried or anxious about something i said, that probably means i shouldn't have said it.of course it can be hard to avoid these occasional slips, and it can be especially hard to exercise self-control when you are mad, i get that.....but i also have to ask myself, what is it that i am getting out of saying these unkind things?  if the answer is relieft or satisfaction, then i think it might be time for me to take a step back.  if i am experiencing pleasant or positive emotions or relief  out of saying hurtful things, then i have to ask myself what that says about me.and i already know that i don't like what it says.  today i learned a lesson based off of yesterday's mistake.  when annoyed about the same situation, i shook my head and continued on with my day.  i didn't feed into the negative, nor did i comment on it.  i let it go and moved on. i also felt much better about this choice. :)   

pause before speaking and ask yourself these three questions: