...because i continued

for a while, i ran out of motivation to update my blog. i am not sure why really; at some point it felt pointless and almost silly.  and at other times i convinced myself that i was 'too busy' or that i had 'other things i should be doing.' i still had the motivation to make my days meaningful, but i was lacking the desire/will-power/motivation/energy to write about it. and then i realized that that is why goals don't get accomplished and dreams are not achieved.  because people stop.  because they give up.  because they make excuses for themselves and allow minor distractions to get in the way of long-term successes. sabotaging your personal efforts can sometimes feel nice- for the short-term at least. and by this, i mean that eating those brownies or skipping out on that work out can sometimes feel better than sticking to a new healthy lifestyle (the harder of the two options).  sometimes it is more appealing to not create opportunities for yourself or accept the ones that come your way because you would rather stay where you are than begin to feel uncomfortable.  comfortable is nice of course, but i believe that what we all need is to feel uncomfortable.  when i think back to the times in my life when i felt most nervous and anxious, or back to the times when my challenges and situations felt too difficult to handle, i realize that i am also thinking back to some of the most amazing times in my life. i was scared to go to a new state without knowing anyone and with no friend or family nearby.  and i was stressed out about changing my major and career path to one that felt more right. i was too stubborn to let go of my anger towards another person, but i found forgiveness to provide the greatest relief.  among others, those moments-those scary, uncomfortable, challenging, and difficult moments- are the ones that i attribute to shaping my life, to making me a better person. to put it simply, persevering when you really don't want to, does not sound like a lot of fun.  what i realized during my blogging break was that the mentality i had for my lack of blogging was similar to the thoughts i was having in regard to my healthier lifestyle and other goals i had established for myself.  i reasoned that it didn't matter if i went to the gym and that i deserved to eat not one, but two desserts for dinner.   i also came to the conclusion that i could only do things if i was motivated to do them.  i was wrong. later, i decided that i didn't need to feel motivated.  what i needed to do was get up and go to the gym.search for that job.write those thank-you notes.clean the apt.,buy healthy food. what i needed to do was stop stopping.  sure, motivation helps, but who says that you always have to be motivated to eat healthy.  why not just pick the healthier option? why not just put on your gym clothes, walk to the gym, and do it anyways?  why not pick up the pen and fill out that job or college application?  start now and let the motivation come later.  and even if it doesn't come, start anyways. after days of thinking it over, i made a deal with myself.  i promised myself that i would go to the gym on the days i did not want to.  this thinking/promise worked out really well for me because i never really want to work out, which means i always have to.  on the days i wanted to go, i didn't need the promise; but on the days when i would rather sit on my blow-up air mattress in our new apartment and stare at the ceiling (because we don't have cable or internet yet), i had to go.  and i did go because i am not the kind of person that likes to break promises-not to other people, and not to myself.  in the last 23 years of my life i have found that if you give up, you are selling yourself short.  you know what it is you hope to achieve, and the excuses you make for yourself are only preventing you from getting there.  try to see past that.  keep your final destination in focus and appreciate the journey you take to get there. persevere and see what happens.  i am glad i did. :)