...because of cupcakes

i ate six cupcakes today.yes. six cupcakes. 

they were delicious. adorable. miniature. and sugary. really sugary.

they also gave me a stomach ache and sugar rush.

     if you know me at all (even a tiny bit) you would know that cupcakes truly make me happy. today, these little bites of happiness  were also a farewell. today is my birthday.  but that doesn't necessarily make it meaningful. when i was younger, i used to get stressed out on my birthdays because i didn't know what i was going to do for the rest of my life and my birthday reminded me of how close i was getting to 'the future.' these birthdays made me nervous because i felt like i didn't have anything figured out or set in stone. and when i was older, i started wishing that my age would go down instead of up. my birthdays served as reminders of all of things i had yet to do,and of all the time that had already passed.  and when it came to birthdays, i used to allow myself to get annoyed when people would take advantage of the fact that they were born on that day.  it's not that i didn't like birthdays (gifts, parties, cake included), it was that i didn't understand how that day was different from any other. in high school, one of my closest friends however, changed this perspective.  she would go absolutely out of her way  to make everyone's birthday special.  even if that meant waking up early to make them muffins, planning and organizing surprise parties, or calling them while out of the country.  she did whatever she could to let the person know that they were appreciated, special, and loved.  she reminded them that they were important and that they had contributed to her life.  simply put, she showed us how happy she was that we were alive, and part of her life.  because many of my friends and family members have summer birthdays,i started thinking about that a lot lately. 

and so hear i am, 24.

 this year, i am really viewing today as a celebration.  a celebration of the fact that i am alive.  first, you should know that i do not mean for this to come off sounding strange, self-centered, or negative.  i don't mean that this day should be about me.  in fact, according to one website, over 250,000 people were born today.  for the rest of the world, this day might just be another ordinary day.  it might be a sad day.good day. bad day. anniversary day. deadline day. divorce day.etc..  but for me, today is my twenty-fourth year of life. what i want you to read is that i am appreciating the fact that i am here.  here on earth, here in new york city, and here, at this point in time.  i am here, in a limbo between growing up and still being young. in wanting to be young and carefree still but ready to be older and independent.  i am here, grateful for all of the places i have been and for all of the experiences i have had.  i am here, reminiscing over the past and reaching for the future. to be perfectly honest, i couldn't think of one possible thing that i wanted or needed as a gift. and so today was meaningful because i created a wish-list.  this wish list however, might be different from what you would expect.  i came up with 24 gifts i wanted to give myself.  and by gifts, i don't necessarily mean material items or solely experiences. among other things, i am giving myself growth and wellness.  similar to the idea of this blog, i came up with a list of 24 things that i want to accomplish or do this year for my birthday.  some are simple- like spending the day at the lake- and others are more challenging, like giving up sweets for an entire year, paying off my student loans, and running a half marathon. what i am hope to give myself as birthday presents are health (mental and physical), happiness (family, friends, self), growth (religious, challenges), and new experiences.  >>>>>here is my list>>>>>>> (well as much as i could fit anyway)   i think that as you gain a year, you should also remember that you lost one too.  i can't be 23 anymore. and i kind of like the idea that i won't be 24 for forever either. i know i say this a lot, but our time here is limited.  although i hope to be 103 one day, i don't know how long i will live.  what i do know however, is that i want to make the most out of my life while i am here. i want 24 to be my best year yet.  and so it will be. and next year, i want my 25th birthday to be even better.   so back to the cupcakes.  the over-load on sugar was my good-bye to sugar and sweets and the beginning of working on accomplishing one of my birthday gifts (aka goals). i can't even count the number of times i have said i have wanted to give up (and tried to) sweets. this year i am going to stick with it.  consistent with another goal of living a healthier lifestyle, it is time to cut out unnecessary (and excessive) amounts of sugar..... i should also mention that i am allowing myself occasional cupcake treats (just a few!) since that's one of the things my friends and i always go and do together. i hope you'll help me stick with it :). as i work on these gifts, i'll let you know what i cross off and when. :) and if you come up with any other ideas, i would love to hear your suggestions!  what kinds of things do you want for your birthday?