Benevolence from a 2 year old
We had been working with loving kindness over the last two days during my Contemplative Psychotherapy retreat. Our teacher, Sharon Salzberg, had encouraged us to first offer loving kindness and metta phrases to ourselves and then secondly, to find a benevolent being who could offer the words to us. A practice of offering ourselves loving kindness and then receiving it.
Although the instructions were clear, I immediately witnessed my mind become active: ‘who should I choose?’ Some teachers came to mind, a few mentors, people I’ve never known, spiritual leaders, a few people from my life. And then my daughter. I experimented with her offering these words for a few moments before my mind became active again. “She’s too little.” “She wouldn’t be able to say these things or understand the meaning/concept.” “Should I really have my two year old wishing me happiness? I don’t want her to feel responsible for my well-being.” I went back and forth in my mind. The bells rang after a short period and the meditation was over. I still hadn’t landed on my benevolent being, but like all practices, I let it go. Another practice: letting the moment be as it is, cultivating an attitude of acceptance.
During the second day of retreat we had the invitation to choose a practice of our own to work with during meditation. I decided I wanted to work with loving kindness again and re-experiement with this benevolent being. I took my posture and felt my breath. Outside of my room as I began my meditation, I heard my daughter play cooking in the room next to me. Wooden food clanging together on the stove-top of her play kitchen. “I’m going to make mom some coffee,” she said. A second later, calling out to my husband, “dad, don’t forget to make mom a pancake!” Another moment later, “I’m going to show mom how I can lift up my leg, she’ll be so happy.” She was trying to come up with any excuse to come into the room I was in, to sit on my lap, to rest her head against mine.
It only took an instant to recognize the benevolence in her offerings. I immediately felt her pure and authentic nature, her heart whispering through every action “may you be healthy. may you be happy. may you be well.”
Although I was initially uncertain about bringing her to mind as my benevolent person, I came to know that these are her wishes for me anyway. The wishes for my wellbeing were already there, existing in her own sweet mousy voice and whole-hearted actions..
My heart opened, tears welled up in my eyes.
I spent the rest of the morning with streams of water moving down my face, tears being released from an overflowing heart. Grateful for a daughter and a practice that reconnected me to the sacredness of living, the sweetness of love, and the warmth that comes from allowing yourself to love and be loved.
I thought about how important it is for me to practice. I was reminded that the practice is less about how well I do it and more about how much it connects me to the richness of life. How much it helps me to see the preciousness that is ready to unfold in simplest of ways. I could have missed this moment, I could have skimmed over this teaching, this receiving of life.
If we aren’t present for life, we’ll miss out on it you know.
Some gentle reminders:
you are worthy of receiving benevolence
there are people in our lives wishing us well, offering us kindness from a place of authenticity- if only we can hear it through their own words and language. if only we can witness it in the ways they have available to express it.
anchor yourself in something that allows you to reconnect with the richness and sacredness of living.
if we aren’t present with life we can miss out on living
An invitation:
practice working with loving-kindness meditation- notice what comes up, what it’s like to receive and offer these wishes
allow yourself to notice the ways in which people love you
use each moment as an opportunity to share loving-kindness with others. look kindly into the eyes of the people you encounter, silently offering them “may you be safe. may you be well. may you live life with ease.”